Woman, apropos of nothing, grabbing and jiggling her ample bosom: Do these look fake to you?
Me: I'd have to get a closer look, but offhand I'd say no.
Woman: [some stupid story about some guy thinking they were fake]
Me: [looks at her breasts]
Beats a desk job.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
You are fooling no one with your mohawk
You are going bald in front. No amount of punk rock can save you.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
You want to WHAT?
Tonight it was a slow-eyed Mexican playing weepy country songs on the juke while frat boys played pool and a stripper told me stories.
"So this guy comes in and he's all decked out and I'm thinking he's some kind of mobster. He comes up to me right away and he says, 'I know what I want, and when I decide I want something, I get it.' So I figure I'm going to take this guy for a lot of money. I'm giving him lap dances wearing clothes and he doesn't even care--he just wanted to get busy with his hands, but he kept laying down so much cash so I kind of let him.
"So at one point he says to me, 'Baby, I'd like to take you out and rape you,' and I said, 'What?' and he says, 'Oh, not like that. Just show you a good time and then maybe we fuck.' [Ed.: This is when most guys are kicked out of the club, maybe even handed over to the cops.] So I figure OK, I'll play him a little longer, let him think whatever he wants.
"He says he's running out of money and he'd like me to come out to the car with him. I shoot the bouncer a look so he comes with me. This guy takes me out to a nice Expedition, rented, and opens up a suitcase that's just full of sex toys, KY jelly, and plastic bags full of money. He asks how much more he owes me, and it was only $200, but I said $320, because, well, yeah. He ended up dropping, what, $1,200 dollars on me. I mean, I barely made $14 today. $1,200. Me and Gary were about to not make rent, and I paid rent and I got new contacts. I made sure they kept him in the club while I left so he couldn't follow me home."
Yes, the glamorous life of a 44-year-old stripper in Southeast Portland.
"So this guy comes in and he's all decked out and I'm thinking he's some kind of mobster. He comes up to me right away and he says, 'I know what I want, and when I decide I want something, I get it.' So I figure I'm going to take this guy for a lot of money. I'm giving him lap dances wearing clothes and he doesn't even care--he just wanted to get busy with his hands, but he kept laying down so much cash so I kind of let him.
"So at one point he says to me, 'Baby, I'd like to take you out and rape you,' and I said, 'What?' and he says, 'Oh, not like that. Just show you a good time and then maybe we fuck.' [Ed.: This is when most guys are kicked out of the club, maybe even handed over to the cops.] So I figure OK, I'll play him a little longer, let him think whatever he wants.
"He says he's running out of money and he'd like me to come out to the car with him. I shoot the bouncer a look so he comes with me. This guy takes me out to a nice Expedition, rented, and opens up a suitcase that's just full of sex toys, KY jelly, and plastic bags full of money. He asks how much more he owes me, and it was only $200, but I said $320, because, well, yeah. He ended up dropping, what, $1,200 dollars on me. I mean, I barely made $14 today. $1,200. Me and Gary were about to not make rent, and I paid rent and I got new contacts. I made sure they kept him in the club while I left so he couldn't follow me home."
Yes, the glamorous life of a 44-year-old stripper in Southeast Portland.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
Quite a sensitive palate
Guy: "Yeah, I had to get a Coors Light because the only other beer they had was Bud, and I didn't want something heavy like that at ten in the morning."
Sunday, October 25, 2009
A Hilarious Series of Events
The sister and niece of one of the cooks, at what I believe is the niece's baptism.
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